おっさんのスーサイド 5

風邪の女やというのは知ってんねん。分かってんねん。でもな、・・・あかんねん。めちゃめちゃギュッとしたい感じの子やねん。あかん、ちんぽ立ってきた。

なんでやねん!なんでちょっと感想述べたくらいでちんぽ立つねん!おっさんのくせに!

スポーツ器具店・ケルちゃんスポーツで硝子は、できたてのエピソードをアルバイトの遠藤道男・エンドウ ミチオ21歳に嬉しそうに報告している。店の出入り口のガラス扉が開いて、同じくアルバイトの中川美世・ナカガワ ミヨ22歳が、

店長、行くよ!

と大声で硝子を呼び、ケルちゃんスポーツと両側面に青いロゴの入った白いワゴン車の運転席に景気良く乗り込んだ。

ほんなら、留守頼むで。

道男に告げて硝子もワゴン車の、助手席に乗った。

いってらっしゃーい!

道男が店の外に出て手を振り、ワゴン車は出発した。この店は東京の中野区にあるのだが、行き先は長野県松本市のスポーツジムである。ちょっとした旅だ。そこにバーベルのバーを二十本届ける。ベルはこの日、すぐ後を追って別のアルバイトの男の子が、レンタカーのワゴン車を借りて運ぶ手はずだ。車中道中、運転する美世は自分の好きな音楽をガンガンかけ、ふんふん歌いながら、たまに硝子に話しかけた。

店長、二日酔いですか?わりに機嫌良さそうですけど。昨日はいい酒だったんですか?

美世が半笑いでそう話しかけると硝子は、

うふふ。ミヨちゃんも聞いてくれるか。いい酒はいい酒やったんやけどもな、その後が!もう飲めんで倒れてもたんやけどな、その後がこれ良かったんや。あんな、・・・ミヨちゃんは恋してるか?

恋か・・。たまにしますけどね。あんま頻繁にはしませんっすわ。

なんやねん、それ。うーん、でもまぁ、そうか。・・いや、君まだ若いやろ!なんでそんなんなん?

いや、なんでって言われても。そうだからそうだとしか、言えませんよ。

ふーん、そうか。俺はなぁ・・、恋しちゃってさー!聞いて!俺恋しちゃってさー!

気持ちわる!ちょっと店長!わたし運転してんだから!肩ゆらすな、こら!

すまんすまん。いや、どうゆうふうに伝えたらええんやろ。このおっさんの恋心はどうゆうふうに伝えたら、人に理解してもらえんねやろか。

気持ち悪いなー。伝えてもらわなくて結構ですよ。パーキング寄りますよ。

あ、道男から電話や。・・はいはい、店長ですけど。えー!定男がベル配達できません!?ノロウイルスのもっとひどいのんに罹ってもうたやとー!?あほかー!!こっちゃラブウイルスに罹っとんねんぞー!!くそー!分かった。電話してみるわ。留守頼むな。はいはい。ほんなら。はーい。
・・・あほか!あいつ!

硝子はもう一人のアルバイト、壁定男・カベ サダオ26歳に電話をかけた。

・・・・・はい。カベサダです。ただいま留守にしております。発信音は鳴りませんので、そのまま電話をお切りください。毎度ありがとうございます。

硝子は電話を切り、店の道男にかけ直した。

はい。ケルちゃんスポーツでございます。

・・道男か。店長です。悪い!道男、お前今からベル持って松本来てくれ!店はしゃーない、臨時休業て書いた紙貼って閉めてくれ。ワゴンはレンタカー屋の出目のおっちゃんが乗って店まで来てくれるさけ。すまんけど、それ乗って松本来てくれ!

マジすか?あー、分かりました。その代わり何かおごってくださいよ。

あーあーなんでも奢ったるがな。焼肉でもビー玉でも。すまんが頼んだで!

はいはい。

ランチュウラサービスエリア、という看板が現れ、硝子と美世はそこに寄って昼飯を食べることにした。


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